I’m not going to be able to share too many details about what the past 4 months of life has been like as it’s going to take me a long time to process. In February, we were blessed with the second baby we had been praying and dreaming of - God answered our prayers! Elated to be pregnant once again, I had also been praying and believing that this second pregnancy would not result in another diagnosis of hyperemesis (HG) like the first one with my son did. If you're unfamiliar with hyperemesis, which most are, it is severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy that also extends through the first trimester. I have to skip many, many details for now, but my story includes tearing my esophagus twice, an ER trip and dozens of bags of IV fluids. Here is a quote from the HER Foundation on hyperemesis: "Imagine having food poisoning for months. This is what she feels like. Some moms feel like they are dying because they are starving and have high hormone levels (GDF15) that literally make them feel like they are dying."
Now that I am more stabilized, thanks to my wonderful midwife and a solid daily protocol, I have finally been able to come out of survival mode. I am not in a place where I can fully explain how extremely hard HG has been or how much suffering I have felt, but I am truly blessed to have a health baby growing inside of my womb.
We are back in our home in Washington now and have been absolutely soaking up this wonderful early Summer weather. I fight a daily battle with my HG, it is a lot to manage with more then multiple doses of medications a day, which I don't like taking but they are actually helping me and my baby survive. But as I said earlier, I am feeling more stabilized now and have been able to find some normalcy.
When my HG reared its ugly head, it really took a toll on my faith, just as it did with my first pregnancy. Did I not believe enough before I got pregnant? Did I not pray enough? God, why would you have me experience this again? - this sickness that can harm me and my child? These questions haunted me every single day. Weeks and weeks went by where God sustained me just enough to make it through.
I do still have a lot of questions, but months later my heart is in a place of sobering truth - life happens. Yes, God is bigger and He is in it with us, but He doesn't always fix it. So how do we keep our faith when He doesn't fix it? That's the deep journey I am on right now.
I am thankful to be able be writing this blog, for the dried sourdough I found of my hand the other night and for the new sweet baby I can feel twirling in my tummy. Without the prayers of so many friends, family members, even strangers, I don't know where I'd be physically and mentally. This has been the challenge of my life time. I am grateful for every moment I get to once again tickle my son, kiss my husband and sit outside in the sunshine. I'd also like to note that my husband is my absolute hero, the wear on an HG caretaker is extreme and I am so blessed by him.
My HG will continue to be a struggle, I had it the entire pregnancy with Nash, but we are almost half way there. In just a few weeks we will find out the gender of our sweet new babe!
I plan to write again soon and share some homesteading updates as it's been a true blessing to be back in the Washington woods. If I could ask for one prayer, please pray that soon I will be able to drink enough water each day to not have to get weekly fluids - that would be a blessing!
Thank you for waiting for me to write again and thank you for reading. To learn more about Hyperemesis, visit this link.
Blessings,
Hannah
Daughter of God, Wife, Mother
